You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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