dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
