She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize