If i could tip my vagina, i would.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
