With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
