Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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