tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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