alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
