i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I party with great urgency now.
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