Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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