tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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