Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
