Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
