you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize