I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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