I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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