sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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