Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
