If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
