3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
