fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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