i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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