totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
