sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
