i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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