Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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