your parents love me but you hate me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
