I could have mohawked her pubes.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
