FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
