Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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