why didn't you poke me back
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
