Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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