This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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