Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
