I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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