Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
