i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
