did you get engaged???
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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