I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize