I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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