it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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