you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
