You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
