it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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