.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
