get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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