saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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