Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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