oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
