So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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