i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
