my mouth tastes like poor choices
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
