I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
