the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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