Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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