Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
