The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
