3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
