I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize