So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
a search helicopter?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
