I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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