dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
